I’m no expert on Gnosticism — ancient or modern, scented or unscented — but I did manage to finish an undergraduate thesis on the subject, twenty-odd years ago, and the Thunder must still echo in some dark corner of my imperfect mind.

I say this because it occurred to me, as I was driving tonight, that there were significant patches missing from the version of “Thunder, Perfect Mind” that the Prada Babe recited in her perfume ad. Indeed, there are passages in that text that no self-respecting perfume model would want to say about herself, even if she’s acting out the lines in the course of a five-minute television advertisement.

All I’ll say on this family-oriented blog is that the Prada version of Gnosticism is sanitized for our protection, shorn of any lines that would be unbecoming or unattractive on the surgically enhanced lips of their models. For the unexpurgated version, you can visit The Gnostic Society’s Library.

Now, I’m sure that devout Gnostics all over California recite the thing in its entirety, omitting nothing. I certainly don’t intend this post to reflect badly on the progress of their spirits’ ascent past the archons and into the realm of pure light (thundering, thundering, louder than before). I just want to point out that Prada’s giving the world Gnosticism with training wheels. Be forewarned: I’ll bet it won’t even get you past the first archon.